Living a lie - Keeping up with the Jones

Thursday, April 19, 2012

It's one thing to be ambitious, but it is another to hang one's hat where they might not be able to reach it. Some of us might recognize these traits in some of our pretentious friends or neighbors or even someone that we just happen to know of. For those of us who don't know of it, it's simply the fake lives that some people live or even more so the things they do to fit in a particular group.

At different levels in our society people are always trying to fit into specific social circles and groups, and they make several decisions that might influence this, as in  the way they speak and behave or the places they hang out and most commonly the things that they do for leisure. For many  who so desperately trying to fit into their desired groups, they are often people who are  insecure about their lives and judge themselves before others get a chance to do so. As a result of this they are obsessed with the way  people perceive them and even more so about the way they perceive themselves.

They feel incomplete without having a certain type of cell phone, living in a certain type of area, the food that they eat, the cars  they drive, and the type of schools that their kids attend.  In most of these situations not only can they barely afford it, but also it's really not them.

However, they do it to impress of just for a show. Such cases are usually destructive as these people put up fronts in their lives, living way beyond their means just for the perception of others. They live the lie.

When asked, several people in Half Way Tree, Kingston expressed that incidents of the topic are common among people of middle class backgrounds who are trying  to keep up with the Jones. One man went on to share his views that, "it's  those of us who are not accepting of ourselves and social status that try to paint a fake pictures so others will see us in a better light".

On the other hand, many others might believe that it is through aspirations that we ascend to our full potentials. Accepting one's life as it is, and not giving up or settling is basically being realistic and might be a very important place to start in achieving whatever you want to achieve.

In my opinion at least you will have a clear idea of where things stand. In life we need to be considerate of the things we do and the way we portray ourselves, but let it be for your benefit and satisfaction. Living a double life is hard , but living a fake life is even harder. At the end of the day before you try to fit into that particular group or circle by whatever means, think carefully about, "who you are, who you are not and importantly who you want to be".

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Equality in relationships

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Equality as it relates to your relationships.
By: Shanteeca Reid

Feminist of the world over the years has argued immensely for gender equality and rights of women. Feminism is both an intellectual commitment and a political movement that seeks justice for women and the end of sexism in all forms. However, there are many different kinds of feminist theories and how do they affect the love life.

Feminists disagree about what sexism consists in, and what exactly ought to be done about it; they disagree about what it means to be a woman or a man and what social and political implications gender has or should have. Some women nonetheless, motivated by the quest for social justice, feminist inquiry provides a wide range of perspectives on social, cultural, economic, and political phenomena.

Although there are many different and sometimes conflicting approaches to feminist philosophy, it is instructive to begin by asking what, if anything, feminists as a group are committed to? Both sexes are entitled to respect and right however, women are currently disadvantaged with respect to rights and respect, compared with men […in such and such respects and due to such and such conditions…]. In respects some men like damsels in distress while some like the independent women, but ultimately they like women because they are feminine and the subordinate species.  

As a female I have thought about just how far feminist movements would go for equality, sure it’s nice to be able to be seen as professional as a man but how much equality do we really want. Several women have stated their opinion that regardless that they are independent, they still expect a man to pick up the bills and do manly chores around the house. They also expressed that upon going out with girlfriend they gladly split the bill as opposed to being skeptic while on a date with a guy to not offend or threaten his manhood. Others say that it’s a matter of protecting the manhood and ego of their men as they don’t want them to feel inferior or less than a man. For most men this is an initiation of their masculinity.  From the beginning of time one of the things that women find most attractive in men is their dominance and this is not just for humans but animals as well. I think that though women are capable of leading and very well in fact, they are naturally very good back bone supporters that often compliment their men.  The term 50/50 in a relationship is of course a healthy idea but how many of us actually have that half and half relationship. Unlike many feminist I believe women and men must share a common understanding of what the roles and expectations are inside a relationship.

What do you think about equality as it relates to your relationships?

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Do you lose yourself in relationships?

Monday, March 5, 2012

Losing yourself in relationships
By:Shanteeca Reid

My grandmother always told me when I was younger that if you stand for nothing then you might fall for anything. I always saw it as a metaphor for being adamant about my decisions until I came to realize that it relates to self-worth and self-value as well. In relationships we sometimes forget our values and ourselves in trying to compromise with our partners. While some people have their values augmented others are not so fortunate.

We all know that all relationships require some form of alteration, whether its adjusting from a single lifestyle to being a part of a couple, a mental shift from being selfish to being selfless or getting accustomed to waking up next to a spouse every day; however do you ever feel like you have changed so much that you can’t remember who you are and what you once stood for and against.

Observations have uncovered that most of these critical changes often occur around the in love phase of the relationship. It is believed that during this time most thoughts in the brain are centered on their compatibility with the other partner. Observations also show that after a serious or committed relationship with someone over a valid period of time some person have trouble coping or readjusting to being single or alone merely because of how compatible they made their lives with their partners; it’s like pieces of the puzzle go missing.

Rare cases that I have come across were the idea of a partners changing completely to lease the other, from a practical stand point, this can be a good thing as it can be not so good. If a partner sees ways that you can improve on what you have to become a better person, or help you to pursue your goals then he definitely has “keeper” qualities, on the other hand if a partner wants you to change yourself completely for them, what is the point of dating an individual, that partner should get a puppet and take puppeteer classes. When entering a relationship or getting to know someone it’s the little details in their personalities that makes them the persons they are, so to change all that or consider replacing the qualities of the person, why not replace the person?

 I always told my peers that their personality ‘flaws’ and all is what makes them the persons that they are. Changes that need to be made by an individual should be personal and done of their decision. For one to find love one has to love themselves first and know their worth and value. In return don’t go trying to change someone’s individuality because you find them physically attractive and you think that if they were enhanced a little, or a little different in other ways they would be perfect. You are not doing them a favor instead what you’re actually doing is suppressing their true selves. Love them for who they are or don’t love them at all.

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Are Democracy and Communism viable forms of government to fight global challenges ?

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Is Democracy  a viable form of government for addressing effectively the global challenges facing our civilization?

By:Shantecca Reid

Democracy as well as Communism is two of the world’s leading forms of government both of which have proven to be successful in their own rights. A viable form of government for addressing effectively the global challenges that face our civilization has to be one that incorporates the necessities of the people of which this particular form of government is implemented. Political influences are indeed inevitable when addressing a social cause or a global crisis; however in some cases the specific form of government that is utilized by a particular state is no lees influential as it relates to the global challenges that are existent in the 21^st century.

 Communism as it is opposed to democracy is a doctrine that is of the conditions of liberation of the proletariat or the class of the proletarians, that is the working class of the 19^th century in one word. Or in other words it aims to establish a society that is classless and moneyless which is significantly structure on a common ownership and a means of production basis. Its political affairs are handled by one supreme dictator without the influence or active involvement of the people and some say it’s similar to that of a monopoly.

Living in a communist country has its advantages as well as disadvantages. Economical equality is key factor , due to this the society is run on subsistence living, regardless of the occupation or qualification that one possesses; also one that lives in such a country does not   work on the behalf of himself but on the behalf of the whole country, in short “one for all and all for one”. For the global challenges facing our civilization and the viable form of government for effectively addressing these challenges, the onus would be on one person as opposed to a whole nation. The impact of any decision that is made would no less affect the people body though not those decisions were in no way influenced or implemented by them.

Democracy on the other hand is simply by the people for the people, it is the liberation of all individuals living under this form of government.  Regardless of a representative figure such as a president or prime minister every action that is taken in terms or political or social protocols are discussed and voted on before its implementation. The views and opinions of the people are acknowledged and the onus is that of the country. A popular saying denotes this act “no man is an island” as the president or minister has the support of the people, as they all have a right to vote and a say in the affairs of their country’s development and interaction with global challenges.

Democracy, in all its glory, can be seen as ‘pertinent’ for a viable form of government in addressing effectively the global challenges that face our civilization as well as an important foundation to grow politically and economically into the future.

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Do Children live what they learn?

Monday, February 6, 2012

Children live what they learn.



 By:Shanteeca Reid

Many people agree that the way an individual acts or behave is based on the way they were brought up and the different influences that they are exposed to as children. It is also agreed that children are vulnerable to these different influences not just because they are young and inexperienced but also because they have no control over the situations that they are born into or who their parents turn out to be.



Childhood experiences, no matter how small the details might be, do affect the men and women of today’s society in some way or another; it might be in the way they  reason , the way they set and achieve their goals  or  in the way they perceive themselves as individuals of the society. Many of the successful people in the world today were not the ones that had the best childhood experiences however it was the way that they perceived themselves that made them rise to achieving their success.  













 
In fact while some people dwell on the negative experiences of their past or childhood others use it as a drive to motivate themselves on a path to personal accomplishments. Self worth and perception of an individual defines the way in which they turn out in life and also it allows for boundaries to form as well as to destroy them.  

 

 
Children and youths can perceive themselves based on a number of factors, such as physical factors, academically or even based on their skills or talents; however it’s the emotional factor that takes a toll on a young mind.  Most child psychiatrists may agree that children or young undeveloped minds need to be reassured of love appreciation and support. They also need to know that they are not to be blamed for situations that they are born into as this plays a big role in the way one perceives themselves and evaluate what they deserve and what they don’t.  Verbal abuse  sometimes control the way children think and value their lives, fortunately some strong children are able to overcome this form of abuse through different means but for others it stays with them throughout their lives  even at the absence of the abuser the child is still affected psychologically. 
  



 
Children are important precious gifts and should be treated as such and more importantly they do live what they learn, even the smallest detail in a Child's life can change the life of that child. For some of us we know how hard it was through our teenage years as we struggled to find our identity or individuality, and we know that the person that we turned out to be was based on our perception of ourselves as well as the different influences that we were exposed to in life.  So for those of us who have children or have a direct influence on youths, make sure that you make it a positive and helpful influences , who knows you might be helping to create the next  prime minister as well as destroying someones life.

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Taking "A leap of fate"

Monday, January 30, 2012

"A leap of fate"
By: Shanteeca Reid


One sure thing about life is that we are always given the privilege of choices, choices that are life changing and some that are not so drastic. Our choices come in different shapes, forms and ranges from our professional lives to even as personal as our love lives.  They are not always the easiest to make or embrace at times but one thing that they do have in common is the question, that we the choosers always have swimming  in our minds “what I should do? And what I would, want and wish I could do?”         

  

While some of have fantasies and dreams that will always be fantasies and dreams, the rest of us actually take a leap of fate, going beyond the white lines in search of what they want. We take a chance with our choices.  One issue as it relates to fantasies and dreams is that it’s a matter of satisfying  the heart, it’s what you’ve always wanted to do but may have been restricted or never given a medium or opportunity to do so. It might also be a suppressed side of yourself that you have never been able to explore for whatever reasons.


Regardless of this we always choose a safe path instead of the risky path with the adrenaline rush that we have always wanted to test out. The society you live in and the social conventions that one is exposed to plays a crucial role in a person being uninhibited. Sometimes the reason that our dreams and fantasies remain as just that s due to fear, we are afraid to take a chance, and very afraid to take the leap of fate. Some people might be of the opinion that this might be a little immature as why would throw out something sure for something that’s not just to satisfy the heart.  You will never know what’s behind a door until you open it whether good or bad.  There is no certainty for what will lie ahead of you hence it is called a leap of fate, though you might know of the saying the grass is not always greener on the other side and this adds to your curiosity.

        

In some cases it can be  seen as a gaining experience where there is nothing much to lose, the worst thing that could unfold is that you will end up where you started but gained the experience and had the opportunity to know  how it all played out . An interesting question that everyone should ask themselves is what would you do?  “Would you follow you heart and do what you want to do even at the expense of spending the rest of your life paying for it or would you play it safe and spend the rest of your life wondering what could have happened?”  Sometimes its apart of our destiny to take that leap of fate to see what life has in stores for us or just to see where things will go whether good or bad; some opportunities only come once in a lifetime and you will never know unless you try.

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Where do resolutions go?

Sunday, January 22, 2012

One common behavior among people of different backgrounds and religions starting a New Year is that we all leave the old year with New Year’s resolution. Ancient Babylonians made promises to their gods that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts, for Romans they made promises to their god Janus for whom the month of January is made.

In other religions like Christianity, Christians have watch night services in which they prepare for the year ahead by praying and making resolutions. However for some of us, somewhere along the lines we lose focus or we just forget our commitments that we made in anticipation of the year ahead and our resolutions are lost. At some point or another we wonder where they went and what went wrong and why didn’t it go as planned?

A good place to find some of these answers might just be back at the drawing board where the plan was originally created. When making a plan it’s important that we outline our plans and make them as realistic as possible, not that challenging ourselves is not a good thing but try to keep them within your means.

Other important factors why our resolutions don’t always go as planned is due to our strategies of getting them established and the emphasis that we place on them in terms of priority standings. Many of us see the New Year as a new beginning filled with new hopes, new dreams, new opportunities and new possibilities, yet we enter the New Year with our old attitudes, old approach and old perception on life. Albert Einstein defined 'insanity" as repeating the same action and expecting different results each time, and that is exactly what most of us do instead of finding new ways to achieve our goals we rely on the old ways to achieve new results regardless of how many times it has failed us. With this factor most people that have this problem of “insanity” often make the same resolution over and over for years until they give up as the results of their repetitive actions will never change.

You might find that if you change your strategy of achieving your goal or New Year‘s resolution it will be ticked off that list. Another effective way of actually carrying out that resolution is to put expectations behind it so you will be more dedicated to achieving it, for example telling your friends and family about it; studies have shown that once you put something that you plan on doing out there it is more likely that you will achieve it as you will work extra hard for it and you don’t want to disappoint everyone that you have told. This theory provides drive/motivation for your resolutions.

One can also constantly remind themselves of these resolutions by leaving little notes and entries of the around the home or office or even in your purse or wallet, for busy persons on the go that have their cups full most of the time this might work for you and you sometimes need little reminders; it is also a fact that most New Year’s resolutions are forgotten by the end of January. A reason for this might be that we did not make it a priority so it just faded to the back of our lives; we all know how hard it can be to just put something at the top of the list so maybe we should just put it at the top of the list, literally. Yes, I mean make a list and put it at the top, it might not be the first to get checked off but you will see it and remember it enough times to get the job done or constantly add it to your day planner. This is my favorite method of getting things done it might be old fashioned to walk around with a list, but it works.

Making a commitment to personal goals or the reforming of a habit In anticipation of a new year and new beginnings is what sets apart new year’s resolutions from other resolutions and if achieved the results are often advantageous to our lifestyles, so whatever your resolution was don’t let it be one of those resolutions that are derailed within a few weeks as you made it/them based on the reflection of your life and what you wanted to change or accomplish.

By: Shanteeca Reid

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The effect of "Social Stratification"

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Social Stratification
By:Shanteeca Reid


The year 2012 signifies 300 years since Willie Lynch a plantation owner in the West Indies made his speech about how to control slaves. His theory was to point out the differences that were among them as a people, which would divide them as a people and thus they would never be fully united in order to rebel or up rise against plantation owners. By turning light skin against dark skin, tall against short, domestic slaves against field slaves the plantation owners were able to control the society through social stratification.  

Today our society is still stratified however done a little differently where we are divided by financial status, education, family background, religion, the color of our skins and even politics. Why is it that we (as humans) separate and stratify our society at every given opportunity?

Some people express that social stratification is inevitable and in some ways it is; for example economically and in terms of class as some people will work harder to achieve their goals than others and some people have classy taste while some don’t and this will never change as class is not something you can buy or acquire over night ,it’s just your personal preferences.

Unfortunately those are two of the things that are not readily overlooked today but for other issues like the color of your skin; many of us are still affected daily by the  saying “if your brown stick around, if your white, it’s alright and if your black stay to the back” others define us by  our complexions and not by our qualifications, intelligences or capabilities to do different tasks; also financial status and occupation where the rich is against the poor and nurses are against doctors can be seen as just ignorance on both sides.  

 For any society to function efficiently it will take different types of people to make it flow easier and different roles that we all have to play. Some of these roles may sometimes be doubted as it relates to importance in the society but without someone to play these roles our society would not flow. Imagine a world with vendors and no consumers or a community without garbage men and their trucks to take up our garbage. A man should not be judge by the titles of their jobs but instead by the quality of work that the put out.  

An issue that people have struggled with over the years as well is their identity being tied to their addresses; this is where they are automatically rejected or accepted based on their address. The fact that one lives in an upper class, middle class,  lower class society, country or city does not and should not define you as a person and does not make you more or less capable of carrying out a specific task, popular reggae artist Etana expressed the issues face by this phenomenon in her single “Wrong Address”.

Many agree that this is a poor mentality that we all should grow out of in order to access our full potentials as a people and social stratification and division among each other influences and encourages violence.  Social stratification may be inevitable but we can change the way we view it as it takes all types of people to make our world spin and regardless of our positions or roles in life we are all humans and should be treated as such with equal opportunities and the freedom to make our life decisions without being judged or labeled; and importantly at the end of the day no matter the color of our skins, our lifestyles, professions or address, we are one people.

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Criticisms good or bad?

Friday, January 6, 2012

Constructive and Destructive Criticism
By:Shanteeca Reid

At some point or another we have all been criticized or judged in our lives whether good or bad. Though not directly, is it safe to say that these criticisms may have helped us and may have given us the drive to progress in our endeavors.?  At the same time it can also destroy a person and leave them in a trance or an emotional standstill.  Regardless of the intent of the critic, i believe that the final effects of criticism, positive or negative, is totally dependent on the person who is being criticized and how they perceive it, as well as how they handle this.  

There are several types of criticisms including constructive criticism and destructive criticisms; though very different in terms of delivery and intent, the out come is solely dependent on the persona and not the critique itself.  

Constructive criticism is a genuine  well meant critique intended to help someone, while destructive criticism is often intended to destroy the person being criticized; also destructive criticism directed to others allow the critic to feel superior or better about themselves by putting others down.

For a person that is strong emotionally and mentally in balance criticism in general should should not pose a problem as one can view this whether good or bad , in a positive light . One that receives negative or destructive criticism can use this as motivation to prove the critic wrong or in some cases identify where corrections can be made if they were not able to see this before, hence taking a positive approach and solving a negative problem.

Also if one thinks about it long enough, if a critique is intended to "bring you down", then one must be doing something right or there must be the potential to do great things, otherwise "why waste fuel on a train that no longer runs on a track".

According to the Utah State University sites in Handling Criticisms, Criticism is constructive when the person doing the criticizing is motivated by the desire to help and provides solid suggestions for change. Despite the nature of criticism the final results are shaped by the individual and how they see the glass half full or half empty.

For those of us who are victims of destructive criticism always remember that you are the one that decides your fate and if a critic decides to help by identifying the problem that's just less work for you on your path to change or revelation. And for those of us who encourage and motivate from a genuine place , it takes a beautiful person to see the beauty in someone else, so thumbs  up!

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