Do you lose yourself in relationships?

Losing yourself in relationships
By:Shanteeca Reid

My grandmother always told me when I was younger that if you stand for nothing then you might fall for anything. I always saw it as a metaphor for being adamant about my decisions until I came to realize that it relates to self-worth and self-value as well. In relationships we sometimes forget our values and ourselves in trying to compromise with our partners. While some people have their values augmented others are not so fortunate.

We all know that all relationships require some form of alteration, whether its adjusting from a single lifestyle to being a part of a couple, a mental shift from being selfish to being selfless or getting accustomed to waking up next to a spouse every day; however do you ever feel like you have changed so much that you can’t remember who you are and what you once stood for and against.

Observations have uncovered that most of these critical changes often occur around the in love phase of the relationship. It is believed that during this time most thoughts in the brain are centered on their compatibility with the other partner. Observations also show that after a serious or committed relationship with someone over a valid period of time some person have trouble coping or readjusting to being single or alone merely because of how compatible they made their lives with their partners; it’s like pieces of the puzzle go missing.

Rare cases that I have come across were the idea of a partners changing completely to lease the other, from a practical stand point, this can be a good thing as it can be not so good. If a partner sees ways that you can improve on what you have to become a better person, or help you to pursue your goals then he definitely has “keeper” qualities, on the other hand if a partner wants you to change yourself completely for them, what is the point of dating an individual, that partner should get a puppet and take puppeteer classes. When entering a relationship or getting to know someone it’s the little details in their personalities that makes them the persons they are, so to change all that or consider replacing the qualities of the person, why not replace the person?

 I always told my peers that their personality ‘flaws’ and all is what makes them the persons that they are. Changes that need to be made by an individual should be personal and done of their decision. For one to find love one has to love themselves first and know their worth and value. In return don’t go trying to change someone’s individuality because you find them physically attractive and you think that if they were enhanced a little, or a little different in other ways they would be perfect. You are not doing them a favor instead what you’re actually doing is suppressing their true selves. Love them for who they are or don’t love them at all.